More Fun

• When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
• When humor goes, there goes civilization.
• When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me".
• When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
• Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
• Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
• Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.
• Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.
• My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
• My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
• If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
• All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
• Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids.
  
  
          ----Erma Bombeck